its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
