Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
