Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
