NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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