I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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