dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
