I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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