I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
