He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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