that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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