actually, I'm a sock model
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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