This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
