I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
