I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
