Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
