Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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