Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
soo... how was my night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
