I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My life is pants optional.
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