Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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