i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
