Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
