Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
