You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
