Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
