I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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