Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
