Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
