these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
