..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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