so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
