You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
