Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
