I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
