Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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