Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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