the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize