You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
