I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
