and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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