I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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