if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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