being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
