He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
