What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
