he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I will die if light touches me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
