dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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