Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
