he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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