Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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