No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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