There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
