He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
