I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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